Its hard to admit when your going through a hard time. Its hard to tell loved ones when everything nots right. But Alex and I have decided its time to tell you all our story. Why I am so distant from everyone, Why i am so quit, Why I am not really myself.
Some of you may or may not know in December of 2012 I had a Cyst in my ovaries about the size of a tennis ball removed . Everything went well, I went in for Post Operation appointment, and was told. "I may never have kids or have a very hard time getting pregnant, and when i got to a year of trying to come back in we could run test to further figure out whats wrong." It was the hardest thing to hear, plus I was all by myself, i didn't have Alex by my side. It was even harder to keep the tears in. I stayed strong, walked out of the office got in my car and cried all the way home.
My Doctor put me on Birth Control, by chance knowing he didn't think i would be able to take it very long (Birth Control makes my Blood not Clot, and they aren't 100% sure why). I took the Birth Control for a month and By Choice i stopped it. It took me a month to get the heart to tell Alex what the doctor told me. Scared i would just disappoint him.
Alex and I made the Choice We would start Trying to get pregnant 1 Year, 6 months ago. Its been the Hardest Trial of my life. For 3 months i couldn't help but distance myself from Alex. I think about it every day. I Cant help but Get so sad when it doesn't happen every month. and Alex is there every month when i am a mess.
How is it when all you dream about when your a little girl is being a mom? Playing dolls? and you feel like that's being taking away from you.
When you have a resident ask you everyday...When are you going to have a baby? and all you can say is one day, because they have dementia and they just know you and don't know any better.
What is my calling in life if I can't have kids? Why this has to happen to me?
Alex has been my Rock through all of this been so strong through it all been by my side through this thick and thin. He's my Hero right now.
You all probable think i am crazy because i haven't been back to the doctor yet but we were so set on going to the doctor and that when i hurt my back. We both don't feel like its the right time to go really head strong in getting pregnant when my back is really thrown out. We just need my back to heal and then we will start to do some further testing, and what we can do if we can do to help can pregnant and we will let to know whats going on.
-Leslie & Alex
